


Darling he's an Angel and Angels belong in Heaven

by Niall_Princess_Horan



Series: Tarnished porcelain skin [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Niall, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gay narry, Louis is dead, M/M, Mind Games, Niall is imagining things, Niall thinks hes going mad, Niall-centric, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad Niall, Schizophrenia, They think niall is crazy, Top Harry, light sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 07:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10940151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niall_Princess_Horan/pseuds/Niall_Princess_Horan
Summary: It's nearly 3 years after the crash where Niall lost his best friend Louis.So how come he keeps seeing him at the coffee shop down the road?How come harry wants to get him checked at the hospital, 2 months before their wedding?P.S. you can follow me on Twitter @meganls11But my names Riley :/





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [harmonyangeldreamer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/harmonyangeldreamer/gifts).



> This is a part 2 to -Wash away the guilt you shouldn't feel-
> 
> You should probably read that one to get the full plot of this.

Harry pov

"Niall come on" I shake his shoulder trying to wake the blonde.  
"Don't wanna" he moans.  
"Baby you have work"  
He just sighs and whines, pushing his face into the pillow.

"Ill make you a coffee" I say before kissing his head and walking off to do just that.

 

He wanders down ten minutes later, dressed buts still looking just as a sleep.

"Wana take my car?"  
He hesitates but shakes his head.

"I'll drive you then babe?"  
"Please" he whispers.

He hasn't driven a car since the crash. He was driving three years ago and he lost his best friend Louis. It still haunts him.

I drive him to work and head off shopping, it's my day off but we need food so... what can you do?

 

Niall pov

work is boring, my manager can tell from the start I'm not my usual happy self, she sticks me on hot drinks. I sigh. I like up front, seeing customers and chatting about their day as they wait for their over priced americano.

"You okay ni?" Josh asks half way through.  
"Didn't sleep much" I offer a small smile though.  
"Another nightmare?"  
"Yeah" I smile sadly as he serves a customer with a screaming child.

Josh is the only one I've told about the nightmares. I used to have them, then i moved out about a year after the crash, moved in with harry. And they stopped. For the past 5 months they've been back, an their worse than before.

Before it was me re-living the crash over and over. Louis screaming and crying. Me not being able to get to him. Me reaching for his hand before blacking out. But now, now it's louis asking why I didn't save him. Why I lived and he died. Askin me why I killed my best friend. Blaming me for the crash, despitethe fact that we were hit by a drunk driver.

It's not just louis though, it's his mum as well, she sees me, tells me she hates me for taking her little boy away from her. His sisters and brother have also been in a few dreams. The worst one, was last night, where harry asked me why I didn't see the driver and swerve. Telling me it's a shame he died and not me. I know he would never say this to me, but it felt so real.

"Tell harry, he can help"  
"He has enough on. He has his exams in a few weeks"  
"How's that going for him?"  
"Good, he has more motivation than I do" I smile.

He's studying to be an account and has his final exam in 3 weeks.

Yhe rest of my shift goes slow, I'm clearing some tables when I see him. Louis. Sat right there. I frown and edge a bit closer to him. His brown hair swept to the side. I'd know that brown pile of hair anywhere.

"Louis?" I call. He doesn't turn around.  
"Who are you talking to?" Georgia, another employee asks.  
"Louis! Hes right there." I say, when I turn back around he's gone. "He was right there" I mumble.

 

After that I see louis a lot more. I mentioned it to harry the first time and he looked at me like I had grown an extra head. I didn't tell him if I saw him again.

I see him when I go shopping. When I play golf. When I'm at work. I've been seeing him for around a month now. I'm laid in bed, harry deciding to study a bit longer. He won't know if he passed the exam for another 4 weeks. And if he failed he has to re sit it a week later.

I roll over and face the wall.

"Niall?"  
I move my eyes trying to figure out the voice. It clicks after a second. I'd recognise that voice anywhere.

"Louis?" I ask sitting up and turning to face him.  
He's stood by the door. Looking the same as he did before the crash. No older.

"You-You died"  
"You killed me"  
"I didn't. It was an accident"  
"Why did I die huh? Why not you. Why do you get a life and I don't?"  
"I don't know" I mumble, tears starting to fall.  
"Why do you get the gorgeous boyfriend. You don't deserve him you know. He's far too good for you. Only with you because you suck his dick like a slut"

"Shut up!" I scream, throwing my phone ar him and flopping down, hiding my head under the pillow and bringing my legs up in a fatal position.

"Ni? Ni? Baby what's wrong" I hear the concerned voice of harry, pulling me into him and asking what's happened. I push him away from me and end up sliding off the bed onto the floor. I sit against the bed and hide my face in my knees, trying to control my breathing.

 

"I'm sorry louis I'm so sorry" I mumble. I feel harry sit down next to me and tuck me into his side, under his chin. I don't push him away this time.

 

"Are you having nightmares again baby?"  
I nod my head and quietly begin to tell him everything.

He listens patiently and kisses my head.

 

"Babe, Louis died, he couldn't have been here"  
"He was. He was right there" I point to where he was stood.  
He sighs, looking to where I'm pointing.  
"You don't believe me" I whimper. I try to move away from him but he's a lot stronger than I am.

"Get away from me! Get away. You don't believe me so fuck off." I screech, wiggling away from him and going to the guest room. I slam the door and lock it before collapsing against it and crying into my knees.

 

I must fall asleep but when I wake up I'm in bed, my bed, not the guest room. And harry is laid next to me stroking my hair.

"How did I get here?" I mutter.  
"I climbed up the fire escape and got in through the window in the spare room. Opened the door from the inside"  
"Oh. I'm sorry I shouted at you"  
"It's okay darling, you were confused. Why dont we book you into the doctors, see what he says. He might be able to help you sleep"  
"I-yeah-Sure. Will-will you go with me?"  
"Course I will babe. Everu step remember?"

I smile and cuddle into his chest.

 

I don't think either of us actually sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry pov

 

We're sat in the doctors room and niall is pretty much asleep as we wait to be called. Neither of us slept last night.

"Niall Horan?"  
"Yeah" I say, standing up and steadying niall so he doesn't fall.

"Hello Niall. Hello Harry. Take a seat. How can I help?" Doctor Tee asks. She's a great doctor. She's been mine for 10 years now and nialls for the last two, he transferred when he moved in with me.

"I-I'm having trouble sleeping" niall says.  
"Okay, is there anything that could be causing this? Are you drinking a lot of tea and coffee?"  
"No."

"He's been having nightmares again. From the crash he was in 3 years ago. His best friend died and the nightmares went and now they've come back. Worse than before." I explain when it's clear niall isn't going to tell her anything.

"Worse how?"  
"Before he was re-living the crash. And seeing louis die over and over-" niall whimpers and bites into his fist to keep quiet. I pull him onto my knee and hold him to me.

"Now it's louis family talking to him. Blaming him for what happened. He's also- he thinks he's been seeing louis. Over the past month. I only found out last night or I'd have brought him sooner. Last night was bad. He thinks louis was in our bedroom threatening him-"

"-he was in our bedroom. He was stood right next to the door" niall insists.

"Niall, is louis in the room today?" Tee asks.  
His eyes hover in the corner of the room. He's having a mental conversation with someone. Someone who isn't there.

"N-no"  
"Are you sure?" I ask. I can't see louis, but I can tell he's lying. He genuinely thinks louis is here.

"He told me to tell you he isn't here" he whispers.  
"Why did he tell you that?" Tee asks.  
"He said you'll take him away from me again"

I look at the doctor confused. And also slightly scared. 

 

Why the hell is my fiancée seeing dead people?

 

"Niall, i'd like to start you on some medicine okay?"  
"Will it take you louis away from me?"  
"Yes-"  
"-then no"

"Niall baby, you shouldn't be abe to see him. He's dead. He died, remember? "

"Or course I remember. I was there harry. I watched him die. I held his hand as he died in the car I was driving. I was there when he died and I couldn't do anything to help him. I couldn't save him." He sobs.

I hold him close to me and wipe my own tears as well as nialls.

"You know. When I blacked out, we were sat in a room together, Louis and I"

I freeze. He's never told me this.

"We were sat waiting for our names to be called. And once they were called we went through this door. No one knew what was on the other side. Because once you went through you didn't come back. Louis name was called and mine wasn't. The man calling them said they didn't need me yet. That they could save me. Why didn't they want me? Why take louis. They should have taken me"

"Maybe. Maybe they didn't need you because your story hasn't ended yet. Maybe the angels saved you, because they saw someone who needed to be saved. Somebody worthy of being saved" I suggest.


	3. Chapter 3

Niall pov

 

I sit and ponder what harry just said. It's a nice concept. I don't understand why they didn't help louis though. I also don't understand why they're both insisting I take theses meds that will take him away from me again.

"I can't loose him again harry"  
"He was never yourself to loose. He- his time was up babe.

"I'm not taking them" I say defiantly.  
"Niall. Niall listen to me. He's gone. He died. And I know you know that. You were there. You saw him die. You held his hand while he took his last breath. But baby, he isn't here anymore. You shouldn't be able to see him. These meds will help you sleep and stop him threatening you"

"It's the first time I've felt since the nightmares came back. I love you haz I really do but I just feel so numb all the time. I can't do it anymore. But it's fine now, I feel something with him talking to me"

"It's not healtht baby. Ni, I think we should call off the wedding. Just postpone it. Until you have this under control. I don't want to add extra stress to you, so, we can put it back a bit yeah, get you healthy and happy again" he says, wiping some hair out of my face.

"You don't want to marry me anyomore?"  
"I do. I swear I do. I love you so much baby, but we need to get you better first. Yeah?"

"Kay. I'll take them" I huff.

 

Harry pov

We get niall started on some medication to stop his brain imagining louis. He's silent on the way home. He insists he wants to marry me on the date we chose.I didn't have the heart to say no again.

We get home and he goes straight to bed, I sort some laundry out, make us both a cup of tea and head up after him.

"Sweety?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I love you darling" I say, laying behind him and holding him to my chest.  
"I love you too. I'm sorry I'm broken"  
"You aren't broken. You just need a bit of help at the moment. The doctor said its post traumatic stress disorder. She said it's normal after what you've been through. But im here. Every step of the way. I love you, and we can fix this together"

"Do you think he was scared. Do you think he knew he was gona die?"  
"I-I don't know."

"I- he was never scared of anything. He was so brave. So strong. The opposite of me. He was so happy. All the time. Like he was high, but he wasn't yah know?"

"He sounded lovely babe"  
"He was. He-we used to write songs together. If we were feeling emotional, we wrote a song about it and it helped."

"Why don't you write a song about him? That might help"  
"Maybe" he mutters.

 

It's three days later when I come home, I hear niall in our room playing his guitar and I know. He's writ ten him a song. I don't pry. Niall will come to me when he's ready.

 

I end up passing my exam with a B so I'm now fully qualified which im thrilled about.

It's the weekend before our wedding. We're getting married on a Tuesday because why the hell not.

"Haz?" I hum as acknowledgement as I chop some onions. He's sat on the cupboard string the mince.

"We haven't had sex for nearly a year"  
I almost slice my finger off but just miss.

"Is that a bad thing?" I ask turning to face him.  
"No. I mean. I'm doing better. Still on me meds like I promised. Just an observation. Kinda miss our fun time though" he blushes.

"We can do what ever you want baby, if you're ready and you want to" I smile before pecking his lips.

"Can we-we yuh know? Tonight?"  
"Course darling. We can make love all night long" I sing to him. He giggles and it melts my heart.

 

"Gona ride you" niall says, wiggling his little hips as he takes off my jeans. I take off his and both our shirts and lay him on his back so I'm hovering over him.

"Nope. I'm making love to my gorgeous fiancée. S he's going to be patient and not rush me. And im gona make youfeel so loved baby. So special" I mumble into his lips.

 

It's the day before our wedding and niall comes to see me. I'm working on some tax returns that I can't really be arsed doing. He's wearing some shorts and one of my jumpers with fluffy socks.

"Can I play you a song. I wrote it for louis. And, for his family"

"Course darling"

I follow him into our bedroom and sit on the bed, he sits on the chair in front of me, guitar in hand.

 

"Took the supermarket flowers from the windowsill  
Threw the day-old tea from the cup  
Packed up the photo album the twins had made  
Memories of a life that's been loved

Took the "Get Well Soon" cards and stuffed animals  
Poured the old Guinness beer down the sink  
You always told me, "Don't you cry when you're down."  
But, Lou, there's a tear every time that I blink

Oh, I'm in pieces. It's tearing me up but I know  
A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved

So, I'll sing Hallelujah,  
You were an angel in the shape of my brother  
When I fell down you'd be there holding me up  
Spread your wings as you go  
And when God takes you back  
He'll say, "Hallelujah, you're home."

I fluffed the pillows, made the beds, stacked the chairs up  
Folded your Joggers neatly in a case  
Jay said she'd drive, then put her hand on my cheek  
And wiped a tear from the side of my face

I hope that I see the world as you did 'cause I know  
A life with love is a life that's been lived

So, I'll sing Hallelujah,  
You were an angel in the shape of my brother  
When I fell down you'd be there holding me up  
Spread your wings as you go, when God takes you back  
He'll say, "Hallelujah, you're home."

Hallelujah,  
You were an angel in the shape of my brother  
You got to see the person I have become  
Spread your wings and I know  
That when God took you back, he said, "Hallelujah, you're home."

 

I can't help being in tears as I hear him sing the most emotional song I have heard in years.

"That's beautiful. He would love that. He'd be so proud of you" I say, wrapping my arms tightly around him.

 

It's the day if our wedding and my nerves are all over the place. Niall keeps smiling at me and it calms me down for a mili second.

I'm waiting at the alter for niall to walk down the Isle, he has louis sisters walk before him spreading flowers before him and Jay walk down the Isle. Niall asked her to give him away when bobby disowned him. He blames niall for the crash and never listened to any argument against it. So I took niall away from him as fast as I could.

Jay was over the moon and cried with joy. She always said niall was her adopted son and she meant it. I think she's also glad she gets to walk a son down the Isle. With loosing louis, she's not taking a second for granted.

"Hiya"  
"Hi. You look gorgeous"  
He giggles and it's the best sound in the world.

"We are gathered here today to witness the marriage or Harry Edward Styles and Niall James Horan..."

 

We say our vows, having written our own so they are more personal and meaningful and have the kiss to seal the deal. We then head off to the reception at a local social club.

We're all sat having drinks and food when myself and my husband stand to make speeches.

"Hello. First of all, we'd like to thank you all for coming today, it's a bit of a random day to get married so we appreciate your efforts to make it" niall says.

"Now id like to thank you for choosing to spend the day with us. I know when I've been to weddings in the past they've been boring as shit. But, I am great full to all of you for coming to celebrate the best day of my life. The day I finally make an honest man out of this one" I nudge niall with my elbow and smile at him.

"Thank you mum and Gemma for helping to organise this perfect day. Thank you, Jay, and your tribe, for welcoming me into your family like you have with niall. Finally, Thank you niall, for actually marrying me. I love you so much and I can't wait to grow old and still come home to you every night."

"I love you hazza" he mumbles, tears in his eyes. I peck his lips a few times to cheers and shouts before laughing too much and pulling away.

"Theres someone else I'd like to thank. Louis. I-I know he isn't here and there isn't a day that passes where I don't miss him- but I want to thank him for being the big brother I never had. For teaching me how to ride a bike and supporting me through my gay crisis. I don't think- no I know- I wouldn't be the man I am today if it wasn't for him. I know hes not here literally, but spiritually and emotionally he is always here. I love you louis. Have a pint with the big man upstairs for me yeah?"

"Niall-"  
"-It's okay hazza.he's safe up there. Hes- he's keeping out of mischief. I just miss him. But it's where he belongs now"

"He's an Angel and Angels belong in Heaven" Jay says to me as everyone raises a toast to him.


End file.
